Facebook Booty Calls

It’s 2: 00 AM and you can’t sleep. After a boxer-brief tango to the refrigerator, you aggressively tap that Dole Paradise Blend Fruit Juice and a gnaw off a few bites of those Chewy Chips Ahoy. You then mosey over to your computer, power it up, and prepare for your late night Facebook booty call.

Immediately after entering your password and being welcomed to your homepage, that random thirsty girl that seems like she is always on Facebook immediately hits you on the chat with her ohh so familiar tagline “Heeeeyyy”. With one click of the mouse, she is gone– you would think she would get the message by now, damn.

Perusing around your news feeds and the most recent additions to the photo and tagged albums, you’re delighted to see a pack of cuties in bathing suits that went on spring break to Miami with one of your “homegirl associates”. You eagerly click on the unknown names in the captions. By this time you’re a pro and know better than to believe the hype after viewing one phantom picture, so after clicking on her name you also click her photos. Damn, apparently she too must be a pro because her photos are on a privacy setting. Forcing you to make the friend request, although reluctant, you do.

Seeing that you only have one mutual friend, you’re a dead giveaway, leaving little room for a happenstance meeting– she will know you’re thirsty and stealing her friends. What the hell, you request the whole group.

In all your giddiness you forget to check your inbox. According to your notifications you have ten new messages. While that may seem exciting, it’s Thursday and you know that eight of them are bogus party promoters, pumping their weak ass weekend parties.

After trashing that foolishness you are surprised to see two messages from real people. One is from your college roommate saying that he is going to be in town this weekend and wants to go to Love Nightclub— although Love has been played out for a while now you give him a quick response and keep it moving. The other message was a lot more interesting. The title of that message reads “Remember Me?” and it is from this chick you met at a party a few months back.

You two had an “interesting” night but didn’t keep in contact. You respond to her message a little different than you did your boy’s. While excited to hear from her, you play it cool and keep it light. Without giving her too much info, you prelude to your second encounter and tell her to keep in touch.

Feeling your Facebooking coming to an end, you check your profile page. Four new comments on your status. Three being from your family, the other being from an ex. You two had a bitter break-up six months ago and Facebook is the only thing that is keeping you close to her. Even though you don’t want to, you have to delete her comment, she knows that you are trying to move on, and she still trying to drop subtleties– It appears harsh, but you gotta do it.

It’s 2:39 AM now and you have definitely had your way with Facebook for the night. You got yours, and she got hers. Satisfied, you feel compelled to do what any man would after a situation like this– sleep. Feeling good about yourself you close your laptop and smirk a pompous grin as you reflect on another late night Facebook booty call.

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5 Responses to Facebook Booty Calls

  1. Jeff says:

    Amazing Austin, this post hit home..lol

  2. Sheri says:

    lol!

    I dunno about the ex thing I delete my exes and guys I used to date. I mean we’re not together (for one reason or another) and once I’m done, I’m DONE. I cut off all contact including blocking their calls.

  3. Pingback: Tweets that mention Facebook Bootycalls | The Smugger -- Topsy.com

  4. Erykah says:

    I have to admit, When reading the title I assumed this was about a booty call. Literally a booty all. The way in which you described FB as a booty call was a little different. And described the way most use FB to a “T”. As far as the relationship drama on FB. I don’t see why people don’t just delete their ex. I do. I delete all things related. Off and on FB. In ref to FB IM, I stay invisible so often I forgot they had an IM. But so true yet funny about the instant “hey!” once you go visible.

  5. Jeff says:

    Everyone despises the case of the “X” lol

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